Monday, February 15, 2010

HEADLINES THROUGHOUT HISTORY


NATIVE AMERICAN GENOCIDIST GETS FACE ON $20 BILL

CAVEMAN DROPS ROCK ON FOOT, INVENTS PAIN

BOOTHE UTTERS "SICK TEMPERED MERMANUS" AFTER HE SHOOTS LINCOLN

LOYAL ORDER OF WATER BUFFALOS SPAWNS NEW GROUP:  THE FREEMASONS

U.S. OBSESSED WITH THE 49TH PARALLEL IN IT'S OWN COUNTRY AS WELL AS KOREA

PUERTO RICO DENIED STATEHOOD TO KEEP NUMBER OF STATES NICE AND ROUND AT 50

GENERAL SHERMAN BURNS WHITE TRASH'S TRASH TO THE GROUND

GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER INVENTS PEANUTCILLIN

SHOT HEARD ROUND THE WORLD, ACTUALLY ONLY HEARD ABOUT 100 YARDS AWAY 

JAPAN NEGOTIATES ITSELF THE LAST TO BE WIPED OUT, BY ALLYING WITH WHITE SUPREMECISTS

EUNUCH REGRETS DECISION AND WANTS HIS BALLS BACK

TEDDY ROOSEVELT OBSESSED WITH "BULLY" AFTER GRADESCHOOL BEATDOWN

HENRY FORD ACCIDENTLY RUNS OVER JEW WITH PROTOTYPE AUTO, EARNS ANTI-SEMITIC LABEL

DISNEY ACCIDENTLY KILLS JEW ON MATTERHORN, EARNS ANTI-SEMITIC LABEL

HITLER ACCIDENTLY EUTHANIZES 6 MILLION JEWS, EARNS ANTI-SEMITIC LABEL

ARCHAELOGIST COMPLETES TIANIC'S MAIDEN VOYAGE AFTER PULLING UP BARNACLE ENCRUSTED PIECE OF HULL

IRELAND CECEDES A LITTLE FROM GREAT BRITAIN WITH EACH AND EVERY MAILBOX BOMB

SHEEP CLONED BY SHEEP-F%$KERS

BLIND CRUSADERS FIND THE HOLY BRAILLE

CAPTAIN HOOK CIRCUMNAVIGATES THE WORLD, CAPTAIN COOK HAS SWORD BATTLE WITH PETER PAN

PYRAMID CONSTRUCTION GOAL MET BY ADDITION OF EXTRATERRESTRIAL CONTRACTORS

PONCE DE LEON SEARCHES FOR FOUNTAIN OF YUTES

VLAD THE UNIMPALER HELPS REMOVE STRUGGLING TURKS FROM PIKES

MONGOLOIDS STOPPED BY GREAT WALL OF CHINA

VENETIANS COME TO TERMS WITH STREET FLOODING ISSUE

FIRST OF COUNTLESS MILLIONS OF AMERICANS POINT AND LAUGH AT "LEANING TOWER OF PIZZA"

RENNAISANCE DENIZENS INVENT TERM "PRE-RENNAISANCE MAN"

JESUS WRONGLY ACCUSES PETER OF BETRAYAL AT LAST SUPPER

CAVEMAN STRUGGLES TO MASTURBATE TO CAVE DRAWING, TORCH IN OFF HAND

GOD ENDOWS SMELLY DESERT DWELLERS WITH WORLD'S PETROLEUM RESERVES

DRUIDS WHACK TROLLS TO KEEP SECRET, AFTER COMPLETION OF STONEHENGE

CHINESE FIRST TO INVENT GUNPOWDER, LAST TO INVENT THE FORK

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