DALLAS, TX - Hordes of ravenous zombies have stopped traffic on the George W. Bush highway in the middle of morning rush hour, looking for people to snack upon. The usual traffic delays have been extended, the cause being many half eaten corpses, themselves beginning to rise and search for victims also.
PARIS, FRANCE - zombies have overtaken the lifts and the restaurant situated inside the Eiffel Tower.
S.W.A.T. members of the french police have fired from circling helicopters trying to eradicate the zombie masses searching for tourists to eat. The Louvre has been sealed, but may contain as much as 60 zombies left to their own accord inside the famous museum.
LITTLETON, CO - Zombies began to infiltrate Columbine High School unhindered, and consumed the entire student body and staff due to the school's strict gun enforcement policy. As a result, the rest of the nation's high school students are now encouraged to bring firearms to school with them.
COMPTON, CA - zombies infiltrated a clinic for crack addicted, homeless people. Police and S.W.A.T. gave up on trying to determine which were the crackheads and which were the zombies and decided to be safe and just shoot everyone inside the building.
GRAND CANYON, AZ. - Numerous zombies appraoched the rim of the Grand Canyon and fell in.
MACMURDO STATION, ANARCTICA - zombies ran amok and ate everyone and are now lost in a whiteout on their way to the next station.
DISNEYLAND TOKYO, JAPAN - Police fire many rounds into animated pirates believing them to be zombies. They were sure that one of them looked like Johnny Depp.
NEWARK, NJ - zombies trying to eat the living are repeatedly told to "go f%$k themselves!" or to "go f%$k their mothers!"
IDIANAPOLIS, IN - zombies trying to cross the famous racetrack to get to their corpulent victims are run down by cars doing over 200 mph.
AREA 51, NEVADA - zombies are stopped by armed men in mysterious white SUV's and are turned away. This area may be the source of the zombie virus, but cannot be confirmed at this time.
AUSTIN, TX - zombies make the mistake of infiltrating a monster truck show parking lot full of rednecks with gunracks in their 4X4's.
TACOMA, WA - clever wheelchair bound zombie eats his own useless legs.
PITTSBURGH, PA - director George Romero is finally eaten by zombies, enjoying every rip and tear of flesh from his body.
(YOUR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE UPDATE is a weekly column written by a group of reporters travelling cross country. The group started out with 15, but is now down to 4. Steve was forced to shoot Rita in the head and only 2 hours after being bitten in Scranton, PA)
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