EXISTENCE OF MODERN DAY APES HAILED AS "GLARING MISCALCULATION" FOR EVOLUTION THEORISTS
NON-POISONOUS SNAKE CUT INTO PIECES AS IF IT WERE KILLER COBRA
ALZHEIMER SUFFERING WWII VET STILL WONDERING WHERE PETEY FINNEGAN'S LEGS WENT
MAN HEROICALLY STOPS BULLET WITH CHEST
CHICKENS THROW BABY FETUSES AT LOCAL "STICK-IN-THE-MUD'S" HOUSE
NATIVE HOPES KING KONG IS DOING WELL AFTER CHASING THOSE WHITE PEOPLE A FEW YEARS AGO
BOOGER STUCK TO FLAILING FINGER, CAR BEHIND GETTING CONFLICTING SIGNALS
CHILD ENSLAVER IN SIERRA LEONE WINS INHUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR AWARD
MOTHER NATURE CALLS BATTERED WOMEN'S SHELTER
SHADOW SPOOKS LOCAL BLONDE
COLLEGE STUDENTS FOOD BUDGET SPENT ON WEED, RAMEN NOODLES IMMINENT
"FATHER'S DAY" OFFICIALLY CHANGED TO "BABY DADDY'S DAY"
PING PONG PADDLE WHACKED ACROSS BACK OF CHINESE GUY'S HEAD
AREA MAN WONDERS WHY BEST FRIEND BOUGHT A PINK BILLIARD TABLE
ZULU'S FINALLY WIN WAR WITH ENGLAND IN EARLY 2010 SNEAK ATTACK
SUICIDE WATCH NO LONGER NECCESSARY AFTER GUARDIAN'S SHORT JAUNT TO STARBUCK'S
PARACHUTING GUITARIST PULLS RIFF CHORD
BLACK SUSPECT BEATEN WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS WIFE
UNSUCCESSFUL SUICIDE BOMBER DIES OF OLD AGE
BEAR CAN'T FIND ANYTHING GOOD IN VEGAN'S TRASH BARREL
SUPERBALL TAKES OUT GRANDMA
GAZELLE, LEAST FAVORITE JELLY IN WILDLIFE PRESERVES
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