Infinity Ward, the creators of the newest addition to the Call of Duty series, Modern Warfare 2, have successfully delayed the cure for cancer once again. The intense multiplayer action has kept scientists at the world's most advanced cancer research labs from reaching that goal. Most of these scientists have stopped their stem cell research and gene therapy, in order to unlock all of the awesome weapons and abilities for their various loadouts and to reach that coveted level 70 and the glorious Prestige Mode which follows.
The nefarious company delayed the research a few years back with the first Modern Warfare game and succeeded to delay the cure even furthur with COD: World at War, which quickly followed. Steve Forbush, lead producer for Infinity Ward said, "We knew we had to follow up quickly with COD: WAW because cancer was begining to lose it's foothold on the infirmed of the various nations around the world. The distraction of Modern Warfare was not enough, we needed a quick follow-up."
As WAW continued with it's multiplayer success, with very few points allotted to reach new levels much more slowly than before. It's mini-game, Nazi-Zombies seemed like the next logical step to distract the learned professors. A small game which pits four players in a two-story, bombed out building, they must hold off wave after wave of zombies dressed like WWII german soldiers. The success of this mini-game was a sure fire indication that cancer was here to stay. Infinity Ward then continued to add on different and more complex levels to this mini-game in order to sound the death knell to any scientific gain on the various cancers which plague mankind.
But, it's popularity began to wane, and cancer was in danger of becoming extinct once again. Then, came Modern Warfare 2. Breast and prostate cancer were on the chopping block, when the teasers for MW2 began to surface and the scientific minds picked up the first MW to brush up on their skills in anticipation of it's release. The mediocre single player story paled in comparison to the fragfest that is the multiplayer mode. Electron-microscopes were left to gather dust, as players tried to unlock the thermal sniper scopes in order to snipe across maps, or get the dual P-90's to deal double-barreled death.
Months later, scientists achieving level 70 and Prestige Mode completely forgot why they were even in a cold laboratory looking for ways to stop malignant cells and tumors. Infinity Ward had completed it's work in ensuring that cancer would be here to stay.
A side note, the new multiplayer mode of Bioshock 2 actually has a power (plasmid) where you give the other player's avatar cancer. This game is not an Infinity Ward product, at least not that we know.
(Pictured: A player in BIOSHOCK 2 about to give his opponent Prostate or Esophagial Cancer)
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